Dark, Satanic (Degree) Mills.

I have recently decided to continue (after a pause of four years) my pursuit of a higher education. To that end, I have enrolled in a local state college, which, for the sake of my grades and academic standing, shall go unnamed here. (I don't think it matters if I name it or not, as I assume that this post probably applies to state colleges across the board. I could be wrong.)

Imagine my disappointment when I came to the slow realization that state colleges do not exist to give the student an education-- rather, they exist to allow the student the chance to get a degree, the main function of which is to get a job. Hence, the most frequently asked question in any one of my classes is "Is this going to be on the test?" Sadly, the instructor never replies to the questions with a terse "Everything I say may be on the test," or a longer, less subtle "Everything I say is going to be on the test, and I will ask for exact quotes, so take really good notes and shut up!" No, the fact is that the instructor usually says "No, this is just general information," which means everyone immediately tunes the hapless instructor (I hesitate to say "professor," as I doubt any one of my instructors has a degree more advanced then a Masters and, indeed, I'm almost positive one of my instructors is younger then I am-- I kid you not, last night, one of her stories included a punchline to the effect that her best friend had "double-D" breasts) out completely or, if the answer is affirmative, the poor monkey in front of the class is bombarded by requests of "Can you repeat that?" and "How is that spelled?" and "Will this be on the review?" And yes, there will always be a review and, usually, the mid term and final exams are not comprehensive but rather are steroided versions of chapter tests.

I thank God I have never asked my mother to pay for my higher education-- I would've felt, in hindsight, that I was robbing an old lady at gunpoint. As it is, by paying for it myself, I feel as if I am robbing Peter to pay Paul. State Colleges have, for the most part, become very expensive High Schools-- there is no competition, there is no feeling of being elite or top-tier and there is absolutely NO feeling of education, other then in the sense of learning a trade, which we used to be able to do for free, with an apprenticeship. There are the same "cliques" (I suppose they are called "Crews" now, or whatever people who wear baggy pants are calling it nowadays) the same conversations (although, to be honest, we're generally talking about our kid's childhood rather than our own-- night class ages tend to skew a bit higher) and the same attitude.

I hear people exclaim heartily that colleges and universities indoctrinate people in one political direction or another, when the sad truth is that I would kill for conversation or instruction intelligent enough to be called "indoctrination"-- although I suppose it's hard to seed young impressionable minds when the only question you are asked is "Can you repeat that?" No, the true indoctrination comes from making us mindless test-taking robots; beings devoid of any thought other than "Is this going to be on the next test?" Humanoids almost completely incapable of critical thought-- we don't care if it's right or wrong, if it's on the test, we remember it, if it's not, well-- what were we talking about again? That way, when a politician starts talking about WMDs in Iraq or tax cuts for the rich, we glance up, startled and ask "Is that going to be on the test?!?!?!" Then our instructors calmly inform us that, yes, it is, but there will be a review-- right after the practical labs, and we go back to our degrees and our jobs, thankful that we won't have to remember that again...

And after all this ranting and raving, what am I going to do about it? Well, other than rant and rave, nothing, because I have a wife and a kid and a mortgage and a car payment and, according to statistics, that college degree is worth an extra 4-10,000 dollars to my personal bottom line.

No, that's not going to be on the test.